That’s right – I like my coffee sweet and flavorful. Ron always wanted a black Americano – hot and robust. As I look back at our lives, our choices fit who we were – especially as we were in relation to each other.
I needed a softer life. I couldn’t have handled the rough road Ron had to trod. Although he saw a lot of America and slept out in the open – he also faced a lot of hunger, loneliness and hostility towards him and by him. It was hard for me to comprehend how he could choose this lifestyle. I later learned it was not so much a choice, but a necessity and he coped with that transient lifestyle with the best gifts he had – humor and his love of animals.
I was blessed to be able to go to college and then go to work in the medical field. I loved my work and was very good at it. It was a good time in my life. At 23, I was involved in a horrible car accident. I flew out of a VW bug (hard to believe there were no seat belts in a ’66 bug) and I ended up underneath the vehicle. My right femur (upper thigh bone) broke through the hip socket leaving my pelvis broken into multiple pieces. I spent 10 long lonely weeks in traction only to face the first of what would become 4 total hip replacements (so far) – a few months later. The gifts I learned during this time were patience and prayer.
Ron had no idea I had to go through this accident or the resulting surgeries. I had no idea of his travels and whether he was alive or not. Our paths only crossed occasionally for 20 years or so. Those times were precious and I’m grateful for them – but they were often spent in frustration with each other. Ron, wanting my husband and I to take care of him. Me, still wanting him to ‘be normal’, get a job and settle down. We didn’t heal our frustrations until years later.
Sometimes, the kindness of strangers can be more helpful to us than that of family members. Ron was blessed to have people come into his life and walk beside him for short periods. One such time, an angel helped him process his Social Security Disability claim when he was in his late-40’s. As most of us know, it’s a lengthy process, needing documentation from the healthcare system, of which he didn’t have any care or coverage. I learned long afterwards, in our coffee side chats, he had epileptic seizures during this time in Iowa, and a neighbor helped him get the medical assistance he needed. Ron began taking medication under the watchful eye of his dedicated healthcare providers, whom he became quite fond of. For the first time in his adult life he got the attention he so badly wanted, a steady income, and had a ‘roof over his head’. He still moved around the country a bit, but I believe he came back to Portland to be around me and my family*. Family fills a need deep within us. I’m thankful Ron and I had each other to lean on at this important time in our lives.
At first our coffee house chats were filled with awkward moments. Ron was a smoker, I am not – but weather permitting, we sat outside where the smoke could drift away from me and he could pet the dogs as they walked by. It became a win-win for both of us. As the days turned into years, we learned more and more about each other. I began to enjoy his repeated silly jokes and could reflect back to him, the pride I saw in him remembering dates and events – a gift I have never had. I think he appreciated my devotion, friendship and laughter. I am a better person for the time we got to spend with each other.
[* My daughter reminded me – that Ron not only wanted to be around me, but our family too. He loved tickling her and she remembers the delightful laughter she experienced when around him.]
By the way, I still choose Sugar-Free Vanilla Latte’s because I need that little sweetness to continue my story. Thanks for taking the time to come by and read my memory today. It means a lot to me.
COFFEEHOUSE CONVERSATIONS 